How Easy to Lose Oneself

I used to know who I was.
I used to be able to say "I am Emily Regis."
Now when I try, my voice comes up at the end, as if I'm questioning who I am.
Which is exactly what I'm doing.
I am Emily Regis?

It started a while ago. I started to conform.
My sister says I should wear my hair like this.
My mom says to wear a touch of makeup.
My friends tell me not to wear heels; I'm tall enough already.
The world tells me not to wear overalls, no matter how comfortable they may be.

My peers tell me to talk this way.
Magazines tell me to dress that way.
Society tells me to act this way.

When it first began, I told myself:
I'm still Emily Regis, even if I don't wear a rainbow of fingernail plish.
I'm still Emily Regis, even if I start wearing matching clothes.
I'm still me.

Then, when I got so caught up that I couldn't keep my heard about water,
I thought of that line from Hitch.

You are a very loose term right now.
Definition? You can be you again when you stop being you.

Now I sit and think to myself
Who am I?
Who is Emily Regis?
and I don't know.
and I don't find out.
Conforming is like an addiction.
You can stop, but it's dang hard.

Today, I may take a step.
Today, I may wear an off center pony tail.
Not quite centered, not quite a side pony.
Just lost, somewhere in the middle.
Like me.